So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
you inspire me to be a worse person
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
My penis needs a shock collar
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
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