This dress was meant to end up on your floor
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Randomize
