"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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