Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
We had to coat check the pizza.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Panties = found
Randomize
