Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
