when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
