apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
