i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
