Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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