You made me cry and you don't even care
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
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