Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
