Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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