Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
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