Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
