There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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