then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
