Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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