I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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