I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
