I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Randomize
