if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Why are your pants in the freezer?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
