So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
