He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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