I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
