True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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