SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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