I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
