She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
