Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Randomize
