Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
