I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
