My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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