at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
