We got so high we made milksteak
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
