Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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