a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize