i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
This toilet bowl is my home.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
