Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(002): View more from

508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.

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(305): View more from Florida

Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster

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(905): View more from Ontario

Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.

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(303): View more from Colorado

how did operation slutty penguin go?

(619): View more from California

pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter

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(415): View more from California

I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game

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(304): View more from West Virginia

My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand

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(513): View more from Ohio

I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs

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