maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
