Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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