in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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