dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
