i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
The beer is more important than you right now.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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