I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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