What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
