I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
