I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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