You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Randomize
