My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Someone shattered a urinal.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
