I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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