Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
