Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
the day after is always just damage control
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
