"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
