I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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