My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
