I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize