I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
