My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
