she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
