Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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