Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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