Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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