I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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