I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize